[ Thursday, June 10, 2004 ]
thursday morning, june tenth, ... well, barely, its 1 o 3 a.m.thought i should do some updating, haven't posted in a bit, ... seems like forever but i guess it was more like a week.
crazy ben n' ryan are leaving to bike across canada on monday! i hope they make it... feersum!
still sporting the "business hawk"... the more i have it on my head, the more i like it, too... rawK and rolL, mAnG. yeah.
what the fuck am i going to do when i finish school? am i going to finish? i mean to. its really hard to get into the swing though, i'm having real trouble finding my place. my place inside of myself. the group of people i'm surrounded with is weird, too. i guess i do isolate myself from the group somewhat,... but i just don't know how to relate to those folks a lot of the time. arr. this world is a freakin mess. steven was talking today, like " i don't want to have children, they don't deserve this"... i'm not sure if i agree or not.. .i guess i'm of two minds, on the one hand i do agree, but on the other, ... this is a time in history ripe with possibility for really excellent things to happen... the end times... if you stare into the abyss long enough can you become truly free? things are getting crazier, but, ... well, i don't know.. i oscillate between despair and unrestrained optimism, daily. earlier i was tripping on the optimistic tip. now, well, i'm more just kinda tired, i guess. worried. well, i try not to worry too much,... maybe more just a bit stressed or something. staring into the abyss of the future can be unsettling, even potentially paralytic. staring into the abyss of the past can have the same effect.
i've been thinking i should go on a bit of a travis bickle trip. y'know, not shoot people up or take dates to porno theatres, (altho, maybe..... ) , more the hardening of mind and body, work out,
SHARPEN YOUR SKILLS, HARDEN YOUR BODY, BECOME....
A NUMBER ONE MAN!
yeah.
:)
we'll see.
the first step is making sense of my belongings. i think they are holding me down, well, some of them. probably a lot of them. simplify, simplify.
part of what was bugging steven was that "you can't change anything", referencing specifically the sociopaths who run the major "evil" corporations of the world. is it too late for revolution? i don't think so. and, say , for instance, al-quaida doesn't think so (now i'll get hits from the c.i.a.) ... its never to late . does change have to come from the barrel of a gun? that is the real question. i think the answer is "probably",. .... or does it just come when we run out of oil? thats going to be interesting, and it is bizarre , to bizarre to be frightening, to think that i'll most likely live to see it happen. maybe the crazy power mad people ,... fuck, i wouldn't be entirely surprised (random conspiracy) if "they" were holding in reserve technology like , i don't know, non fossil fuel transportation, at least, so that once oil runs out, we the filthy masses won't have access to vehicles, and so we'll be further subordinated to the "elite" classes.
so get on a bike now! so that its less of a shock to the system! ;)
on the other hand, i'd be even less surprised if the greed selfish assholes holding the oily reigns of power just had their heads either in the sand or up their asses far enough that they have no contingency plans of any kind.
the important thing to take note of ( he says mostly as a reminder to himself ) is that we have to take control and responsibility of and for our own lives.
mind boggling things , great and shitty, are going to happen, so, try to tip the scales towards great as much as possible.
and smile more often god dammit.
w.
Escaper [6/10/2004 01:42:00 PM]
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